Lieing Is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

the title, so damn appropriate.
-so friday was...saddening. very sad. a friend that i have grown up with since i was two lost her father...the funerals tomorrow...my first one :( not looking forward

but in the midst of the news i ended up drinking my saturday night away...oh no not only drinking...
so me and a bunch of my friends went to the bar saturday night after i drank a few beers, had a few shots, you know... so we're all dancing and having a fabulous time and what not, then i see steve. steve is 27 and is one of my older brothers best friends. i met him when i was 14 near my brothers wedding and of course began the little girl crush. it turned out to be a very creepy crush on my part. oops. well hes at the bar and im moderately intoxicated so my friend amanda-who i used to work with at another resteraunt-persuades me (more like drags) to go with her and talk to steve, of course he has already seen my inappropriately dancing and making pretty much a fool of myself, so i was a tad embarrased. well we talk and what not, i cant really remember how the conversation went, next thing i knew he asked me to dance and bam, instant bad sonja. unfortunately (i say unfortunately because of the big age difference and the fact that my brother would be extremely upset) for him i got extremely friendy. one thing led to another, alot of persuading...eventually we ended up in a hotel having the best sex i have ever had in my life. now, granted i am only 18, so theres not alot of sexual experience there, but none the less, it was amazing. however, now we have to deal with my brother. not that michael would EVER find out, just that, well things get around alot at their workplace, especially when half the people at the bar all work there. and quite a few people saw us leave together... as long as neither i or steve crack and give any information about what happened, other than the 'oh, we went our seperate ways' than hopefully this whole mess of the rumors that will be started will blow over.
...i do wonder though.... if me and him will cross paths under circumstances of the like again...i sure do hope.

Oh Arizona!

...its true.

-i live in the oh so lonely midwest. its green, its flat, (a few hills) we have hot summers, and freezing winters the climates pretty average. there's cattle and there's farmland, corn and soybean everywhere... now take that and put a small small closeminded town in the middle of it, that would be where i live.
my oh so lovely hick town. population 10,000 and about 7,000 of them do meth or some form of illegal drug, or they sell it. In the past year 3 people have been shot and killed, 2 of which were premeditaded murders. all intertwined with our drugs runs of course. the people here arent cultured, they dont travel, they dont use correct grammar... let me tell you what they do enjoy: farms, gravel-roading, drugs, alcohol (dont get me wrong i do my share), horses, guns, rap and country music...things of the sort. That is Clinton, Missouri for ya!
but soon i wont have to deal with these crazy kids. in about 3 and a half months i will be driving the long highways out of this state to tucson arizona! oh yes, graduating in the middle of may, then me and stacy are heading out of here to start our lives. shes enrolling in culinary school, im enrolling in cosmetology school. i hope we can make friends down there, i hope we get to party! i hope we dont fail. im scared of that... but stacy's incredibly responsible, and i will make myself stay in line. im so excited, the warmth! the city! the change of scenery! **even close to him** not that that even makes a difference, not that it ever will, not that he will even know.
oh arizona! --more on more interesting things later