We Are Nowhere And Its Now

...what is he doing.
what is he thinking.
why?
the thursday night dinner thing never happened. for some reason it just didnt happen. his phone was tied up all night when i tried to call like he had told me to. i just dont understand. i havent talked to him since last wednseday...its been two days short of a week. i thought he had more respect for me than that?! more respect for my family than that.
why did he ask me to dance that saturday? why did he let me leave the bar with him? why did he give me his number and take mine? why did he call and talk to me? why did he want me to call him? why did he proceed to go as far to ask to do something with me on thursday night just to completely ignore the fact i was ever there?
maybe im over thinking this. maybe theres a good reason why he hasnt answered my phone calls (i only called twice), maybe theres a good reason why thursday never happened. i dont know. i feel extremely childish right now. i just thought he would at least have the desancy to say 'hey look, we cant do this. i made a mistake over the weekend and thats it.' -i mean if thats what hes thinking. and if its not, cant he let me in on whatever it may be? so i dont feel like i have been completely used. so i dont feel hurt. im so damn tired of trying to hold myself together because i might not meet standards of what everyone else thinks an 18 year old girl should be.
i told my mom about steve yesterday. she told me she saw it comming. i told her she couldnt say anything at all to michael and rachel because they would tell steve, and steve might get upset. and i dont want to start anything with that whole mess.
i dont know....i am entirely too confused. i wish he would just call and tell me what he is thinking so we can either keep talking or what not, or stop. hes old enough, he should at least know how to handle these things better.

damn you. damn you for causing me to not think straight. and only think about you. err.